The Cost of ‘I Do’ in the Disability Community

When Patrice Jetter and Garry Wickham became engaged, the first decisions were of small, giddy consequence: where to hold the ceremony, whom to invite, what to wear. But soon enough, a far weightier question eclipsed them all: whether they could afford to marry at all. They learned that, as people with disabilities who receive Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and Medicaid coverage from the U.S. government, their benefits will likely be cut if they wed, or even moved in together.

“People with disabilities need their benefits for survival, and there’s no reason that a person with a disability shouldn’t be able to get legally married and keep them,” said Jetter. “Then, as people with disabilities, we could take care of each other. We would be able to be there with our partners, not have to be by ourselves all the time.”

Ultimately, devastatingly, Jetter and Wickham decided they could not afford to wed. Their story, and the emotional toll the “marriage penalty” takes on people across the country, are at the heart of “Patrice: The Movie,” a 2024 documentary directed by Ted Passon and supported by the Ford Foundation’s JustFilms initiative. In it, the couple exchange promise rings instead of wedding bands at a commitment ceremony, surrounded by friends and family. But later, as Wickham said of the SSI system, fighting back tears, “They punish you for feeling feelings that everyone else feels.”

But this obstacle also galvanizes the charismatic and loving couple to action. In the documentary, we see them organize demonstrations and build advocacy for marriage equality in the disability community, including a moving mass-wedding performance art installation in Washington, D.C., that drew dozens of couples and raised awareness for the marriage injustice issue. This work has become their calling: They continue to advocate for policies that remove the “marriage penalty” and extend crucial SSI and medical coverage for all people with disabilities, regardless of marital or cohabitation status, and raise the asset limit to at least $10,000.

From the first frame to last, the documentary reveals Jetter to be a captivating presence onscreen — funny, frank and energetic, with an array of creative passions from figure skating to fashion design and a streak of no-nonsense idealism that makes her a natural community leader. She’s also unsparing in discussing her difficult childhood with an undiagnosed disability, which included bullying from classmates and time in a youth corrections facility ill-equipped to understand her needs. She and Garry make up a loving family. They hold hands, and talk about their household budget. He loves the New York Giants; she loves her model train set. They argue about the same things that all families argue about, but their love is strong and evident.

“It’s simple: People with disabilities are out in the community. We work jobs; our neighbors know us,” Jetter said. “We just might have four-wheel drive, wear a brace, wear glasses, carry a cane or have a service dog, but we’re just like anybody else.”

“Patrice: The Movie” does not shy away from the frustrations of Jetter’s experience navigating the disability benefits system, including a provision that can strip recipients of SSI if they turn to crowdfunding platforms like GoFundMe for help — resources many disabled people rely on for basic living expenses. The film captures this tension when Jetter must crowdfund to purchase a new accessible van to get to work, a moment that is both heartwarming when her loving community rallies around her campaign and heartbreaking because she feels humiliated by needing to ask for this help.

“Patrice: The Movie” was celebrated upon its release, winning an Emmy for Exceptional Merit in Documentary Filmmaking and earning recognition at the Toronto International Film Festival, BFI London Film Festival and the Film Independent Spirit Awards. Jetter walked red carpets and her story was featured on “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.” She attributes the film’s reach not to her own magnetism, but to a shared injustice that resonates far beyond her own experience.

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